Not too long ago, I lost a church member. Judith was a regular in our worshiping community, a fixture at Tuesday afternoon worship for over a year. One day, I realized I hadn’t seen her for months.

Losing the Beloved

You may recall that I am the copastor of Mercy Community Church of Little Rock, which has a special mission of creating a space of hospitality for our brothers and sisters who live on the streets. Because of that, our community can be a little chaotic. On any given day, we have people who have just gotten out of jail, people who are struggling with sobriety, people who haven’t been able to get their meds, and people who are simply exhausted from the day-to-day of making a life without a place to live. There is almost always someone in crisis.

Not Judith. She was as steady as they come. She was a retiree, a regular member of one of the churches in our area. She attended Mercy during the week because she liked to be with us and, I think, because she found us to be a welcoming community.

She had a special ministry with us, with which was to teach us how to breathe. During our prayer time, she would lead our community in breath prayer, teaching us to focus on our breathing and to find tranquility in the Holy Spirit even in the midst of our chaos. For many in our community, these breath prayers were the highlight of the week.

After a year of regular attendance, Judith started coming less frequently. One day, when I hadn’t seen her for several weeks, I paused to hug her and exclaimed, “Judith! I’m so glad to see you!”

Her response stopped me in my tracks. “Really?” she said. “I didn’t think you ever noticed whether I was here or not.”

That was the last time I have seen her.

Privileging the Prodigal

My encounter with Judith has me reflecting on a parable Jesus tells in Luke 15:11-32. We normally refer to this story as the Parable of the Prodigal Son. As the story goes, a man has two sons. The younger son asks his father for his inheritance, travels to a far off land, and squanders his inheritance on dissolute living. The son decides to return home to work for his father as a servant, but before he even opens the gate his father runs out to embrace him, throwing a big party to welcome him home.

We call this the Parable of the Prodigal Son because we think it is a story about the prodigal who has left and returned. But Amy-Jill Levine suggests that this is not really a story about the prodigal at all—but about the father and the elder son who has remained home.

Luke tells this story in a sequence of three stories about lost things. The first is about a shepherd who has 100 sheep. When one goes missing, he realizes he has only 99 sheep and goes out in search of the lost one. The second story is about a woman who has 10 coins. When one goes missing, she realizes she has only 9 coins and searches for the missing one.

In the final story, a man has two sons. One leaves and comes back. The man is so excited that his one son has returned home that he forgets to pay attention to the other. While the father and his younger son celebrate with their friends, the elder son is still out in the field working. No one even told him there was a party!

The elder son only learns about the celebration when he hears music and dancing in the house and asks a servant what is happening (Luke 15:25). He is the last person to know what is happening.

The father has two sons—and he’s forgotten one of them.  He has been so overwhelmed by his joy at the return of the prodigal that he has failed to respect his older, quieter, more faithful son. The father urges him to come to the party, but the damage is done.

This is the son he has lost—not the prodigal.

The Parable of the Inattentive Father

Read this way, the parable is fundamentally about paying attention. If you have only two sons, you should recognize when one of them is missing. If you spend all your time worrying about your unpredictable son who has wandered away and come back, you will lose track of your son who has been with you the whole time.

This will not do. The woman with 10 coins noticed when one was missing. Even the shepherd with 100 sheep could tell he was one short. But the father with only two sons focused so much on the dramatic child that he lost the steady one.

Of course, in my personal telling of this parable, I’m the inattentive father. I have expended so much energy on those needing a lot of attention that I have failed to acknowledge and celebrate those who have been steady and stable. That is how I lost Judith.

Don’t get me wrong. I want to keep celebrating those who have gone away and come back. I want to keep celebrating those who have slipped in recovery and found their way again. I want to keep celebrating with those who have been lost but now are found.

But this parable reminds me to celebrate every member of my community. To appreciate everyone who comes in the door, even if they never demand my attention. To throw a party, if you will, for both my sons. For without the both of them, the family is incomplete.